The Mormon Bride
by CaptainShakespeare
Summary: Elder McKinley is sick, so Elder Price tells him his favorite story with a twist.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own the characters or **_**The Princess Bride.**_

**I've read other BoM fanfiction, and 'Connor' seems to be the fan-accepted first name for McKinley, so that is what I am going to use. Also, this first chapter is a bit of a prologue, so it's going to be fairly shorter than the others. I will probably also use some direct dialogue from **_**The Princess Bride. **_**My first fic, btw!**

**Oh, and enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

The elders of Uganda District 9 were generally very happy. Now that they were "about as far from Latter Day Saints as it gets", they were pretty much allowed to do start doing things their own way; they had more time to themselves and began paying less and less attention to the rules. Quite conveniently, they chose their days off according to how nice the weather was. It was on the days where the sun was partly hidden by wandering clouds that they chose to ignore their duties as missionaries and just relaxed with their Ugandan friends. These days were the best because the unforgiving Ugandan heat finally gave in and became sympathetic to their sun-blistered bodies. It was unfortunate for Elder McKinley however, that on one of these particular days, in fact the best weather they had had thus far, that he felt absolutely miserable with a feverish wave overtaking his body. He had gone to the doctor earlier that morning and was told that it was nothing serious as he was handed a plastic container of antibiotics. He went straight back to bed under the suspicion that he just had a nasty bug or food poisoning or something of the sort. Before collapsing back into a healing sleep, he hastily scratched a note on a stray piece of paper and left it in the main room of the mission hut:

_Elders,_

_Have not been feeling well. Spending the rest of the day in bed. Hopefully, I will feel better to join you tomorrow!_

_-C.M._

That all happened quite early in the morning as the sun was just gradually appearing from the horizon. And then he fell asleep for what seemed to him like days.

The next thing Elder McKinley remembered was a gentle hand pushing down on his side and whispering.

"Connor," the voiced whispered.

_That voice._

That sickeningly sweet, thick voice. Connor loved it. The voice belonged to none other than Elder Kevin Price who first came into Connor's hazy view after his eyelids fluttered open, still heavy with sleep. After a moment of catching each other's eyes, Connor finally spoke, his voice cracking with tiredness.

"Kevin, what the hell?"

Kevin's features took on a slightly offended stance.

"Huh? I was just checking on you," he pouted.

"What time is it?"

"Nine."

"In the morning?"

"No, at night. Of _course _in the morning, dumbass!" Kevin rolled his eyes even though he smiled.

"Well aren't you lovely in the morning," Connor remarked flatly.

Kevin shifted uncomfortably and cast his eyes downward as Connor propped himself up on the pillow.

"I figured I could just stick around here while the other Elders were out. You know, in case you needed anything," he added hastily as he noted Connor's puzzled expression.

Connor nodded slowly. He _did _think it was sweet of Kevin to offer, but there was no way he could let Kevin know that.

Elder Price arched an eyebrow as he scanned Connor's face.

"So, can I stay?"

Connor smiled playfully. "Yeah I guess. But you better not bore me!"

The relationship between these two boys was by no means a simple one. Elder McKinley had feelings for Price that were more than platonic, and the feeling was completely mutually. It sounds simple, but the complicated part was that neither of them knew nor would they admit it to anyone. An outsider could see the way they flirted with each other and whether it was intentional or not, it was painfully obvious.

For McKinley, he had slowly learned to not turn his feelings off quite so much, especially after meeting Price. He was absolutely smitten with him from the moment they first met even _with _his unchecked ego. Connor gave up his longtime philosophy, thinking that if turning it off kept him away from _this_, then he seriously needed to re-evaluate his life. Kevin was gorgeous, and there was no way he could continue to deny the feelings he had for this man.

As for Price, he had never found anyone as attractive as Connor McKinley. Throughout his high school years, he had ignored the girls who flung themselves at him, and focused on himself. Because, Kevin Price didn't' _need _them; he was great on his own. Truthfully though, he had never been attracted to anyone before, male or female. Price's ego had deflated quite a bit since his arrival in Uganda; he had initially thought he knew everything there was to know about himself, and there was absolutely no room for improvement. But even within the first few weeks of his mission, all of that had completely changed. The thing he hated most about his crush on Connor was the fact that he had been wrong; he _had _in fact learned something new about himself. He wanted to tell him, to tell Connor everything- about the way he made him feel, about his oddities and quirks that Kevin adored so much, and mostly, about the way his chest constricted every time Connor looked at him. But even with his slightly dampened ego, Price could still not bring himself to admit to Connor just how much he hated someone else having control of his feelings.

He didn't know quite what possessed him to do it, but when he saw the note he felt an inexplicable obligation to make sure McKinley was going to be okay. And maybe, just maybe drop him some subtle hints that he would hopefully pick up on so Kevin wouldn't have to go around sappily professing his love.

And now, here he stood. Next to the insanely attractive Connor McKinley's bed. With Connor in it. They were alone. Never had he simultaneously relished and feared a moment with such intensity. He didn't know what to say to Connor. Suddenly, Connor spoke and jolted him from his thoughts.

"Tell me a story," Connor demanded casually.

"A story? What, why?"

"I dunno. I'm bored." Connor crossed his arms and frowned like a small child.

"I'm not any good at telling stories!"

"I thought you were good at _everything_, Elder Price," Connor drawled, enjoying the look of embarrassment that overcame Kevin's face. Price was not about to be challenged. He _was _good at everything. Price bit his lip as he thought hard of a good story to tell Connor. It couldn't be just any story. It had to be the best story. He could be the best storyteller if he really wanted to be. He remembered a story his father used to tell him and siblings growing up. He remembered it well, and he loved this story. In fact, Kevin vaguely recalled his father telling him this story once while he was sick. It would be perfect. But he had to make it original and exciting. He had to change it up a little.

"I know of a story," he said slowly. "One that my father used to tell me,"

"Oh nice, and now you're gonna tell it to me, huh?"

"Yes, but I'm giving a Kevin Price spin to it."

"Oh, I can hardly wait!" Connor gushed in a mock-loving tone. He arched an eyebrow when Kevin didn't immediately shoot back with his own smartass remark. Kevin usually loved their never-ending game of verbal abuse.

He sighed. "No, please, _please _keep your fake enthusiasm level up. I really am just making this up along as I go." Kevin sat down on the edge of Connor's bed and cleared his throat.

"What's the story called?"

"_The Princess Bride. _But-"

Connor snorted, cutting Kevin off. "_The Princess Bride_?" You've got to be kidding me, Kevin!"

Kevin scowled. "BUT I'm changing the title to "_The Mormon Bride_" for appropriate reasons. It's a story of adventure and romance and best of all, revenge!" His face lit up with excitement; he was getting excited for this. His brain slowly formed a plan for his story, and he knew exactly how he was going to tell it.

"Huh. Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try not to look too bored," McKinley teased.

"Oh well thank you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming," Kevin said dryly.

And so begins Elder Price's story that would change his relationship with Elder McKinley forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own any of the characters or **_**The Princess Bride. **_**I hope this is good. I also hope it is funny.**

"_Once upon a time-."_

"Such a cliché way to start a story."

"Excuse me," Kevin scowled at Connor's remark. "Would you like me to continue?"

"Yes, I would. But I just think that if you _really _wanted to tell a great story, you could come up with a more clever way to start off. I mean really, Kevin," Connor smirked at Price's annoyed expression. He loved doing this to Kevin.

Kevin tried to restart his story. "Anyway,"

"Can I make requests during your story?"

Kevin stared at him with a vicious, yet teasing intensity. "ANYWAY."

Connor laughed to himself at how easy it was to annoy Kevin and decided to behave. He pulled his covers tighter around him, his breathing becoming steadier as he let himself become immersed in Kevin's beautiful voice. The voice that he loved so much. And right now, it was all for him…

"_There once was a king in the far off land of Salt Lake. He may not have been a well-liked king, but he had everything because wealth _was_ everything, at least to him. He had a lovely wife for a queen, and he had a son, the future king, who he constantly spoiled with gifts. The son, whose name was Steve-."_

"As in Steve Blade?"

"Yes, as in the bastard Steve Blade," was Kevin's cheerful response. Connor frowned, wondering what Kevin was getting at. Yes, Elder Price _did _always seem to glare viciously at Connor whenever he told the story of his first crush, and he couldn't help but wonder what kind of abuse Steve Blade was going to get in this story. He shrugged and let Kevin continue.

"_The son, whose name was Steve was superficial and shallow. He was also very lazy and cared about no one but himself. But Steve was not the only young man in the kingdom who was in the public eye; there was another. He was a boy at the bright age of eighteen and was loved by everyone. The boy's name was Connor, and he was both equally handsome and charming; he was easily a 9-."_

Kevin stopped suddenly and looked down at McKinley who had just uttered a noise somewhere in between a squeal and a gasp.

"Kevin, don't put me in your story," he finally managed to say, although his eyes widened with amusement and elation at the fact that Kevin had actually called him "equally handsome and charming."

"It's not about you," Kevin arched an eyebrow slyly and smirked at Connor's bewildered expression. "Wow, someone's narcissistic!" Kevin's facial features danced in amusement when McKinley said nothing back.

Connor quickly regained his composure. "I think you're bluffing," he said, his expression full of stoicism. "Why else would you use my name?" He crossed his arms and glared unblinkingly at Elder Price.

"I used it because Connor's a common name, okay!" Price was obviously getting flustered at this point.

"It's not that common."

Kevin chose to ignore this last comment and went on with his story.

"_Everyone in town absolutely adored Connor. He was pleasant and friendly and a great friend. So naturally, Steve had his eye on him. When the king approached Steve one morning on the anniversary of their country's settlement, he gave his son some very exciting news._

'_Son, as you know, the law of the land gives you the right to choose your bride. You may have any girl that you desire. Salt Lake has some of the most beautiful women in the world, so you can have your pick. Whichever one you choose, as long as she's not married or engaged already.'_

'_I don't want any girl,' Steve said dully, glaring at his father._

'_But you must get married. It is the law.'_

'_I _will_ get married,' Steve assured his father. 'But I want that boy Connor-.'_

"No. Absolutely not," Connor interrupted, his voice laced with repulsion. "You are not about to make me 'the Mormon Bride.'

Kevin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "How many times do we have to go through this, Connor? It's my story; I can do whatever I want with it."

No reply.

"Can I continue? Or are you going to continue to interrupt?"

Connor crossed his arms again. "You can continue. But I'm not going to be happy about it."

"Okay, let's see," Kevin racked his brain for where he last left off. "Ah yes. _The king stared at his defiant son, mouth agape and eyes unblinking. 'Surely there must be one girl that catches your attention! Any at all?"_

_When Steve stubbornly pursed his lips, crossed his arms , and shook his head as stubborn young men often do, the king knew his son had made up his mind. He sighed in defeat._

'_I'm sure we could always revise the law…'_

'_I'm sure you can,' came his son's disrespectful reply._

'_Well, I suppose it is settled then. At next year's anniversary celebration, you shall announce to the kingdom who you've chosen as your..er…bride,' the king was visibly uncomfortable with his son's decision, but being the pushover he was, allowed his son permission to marry the other boy. 'But remember,' the king added before leaving, 'you've still got a year to decide in case you, you know, change your mind.'_

_Meanwhile, Connor had made different plans. His father owned a farm, and to make sure everything continued to run smoothly, the McKinley's-."_

"I knew it was about me."

"Shut up." Kevin blushed slightly as he continued.

"_The McKinleys hired a young man around the same age as their youngest son. He equaled Connor in both looks and charm, but this young man was also extremely witty and intelligent, a perfect 10. He was a farm boy from the far off land of Nebraska-."_

"Why are you making yourself be from Nebraska?"

"What?" Kevin came back to reality as Connor questioned him with raised eyebrows. "I don't know what you mean."

"Bullshit. That's an obvious self-insert, Kevin. Why Nebraska?"

Damn, he was good. Kevin winced slightly at Connor's blunt accusation, but decided not to fight it. After all, he _had _been right about the self-insert thing. He threw his hands up exasperatedly.

"I don't know; Nebraska just seems like the type of place that a farmer would be from, okay? Do you want me to continue or are you going to keep interrupting every few minutes?"

"Sorry," Connor apologized, although he was grinning broadly at the unexpected turn Kevin's story had taken. He couldn't believe Kevin was telling him a story about _them. _It was either completely sweet or completely insane. Sometimes Connor thought Kevin was both. He turned his attention back to the euphoric voice.

"_Connor initially thought he was better than the poor farm boy," _Kevin continued as Connor rolled his eyes_. "He always taunted him and never called him by his real name, which was Kevin by the way."_

"Shocker," McKinley muttered.

"_Connor got great pleasure out of ordering Kevin around, referring to him only as Farm Boy. But Kevin always did as he was told and always responded to Connor's demands with the words 'as you wish.'_

_That was all he ever said. Until one day, Connor discovered that what Kevin _really _meant when he said 'as you wish' was 'I love you.'"_

Connor groaned out loud. "This is _so _cheesy, Kevin." His voice was accusatory, although he was beyond ecstatic at this surprise.

"Well," Kevin's face was completely red by this point. "That's how the story is supposed to go."

"Uh-huh."

"It is! Really!"

"I believe you."

"Okay, well I'm going to continue now."

"You do that," McKinley could not hide his amusement at how flustered the other boy had just become.

"_Even more amazing was the day that Connor discovered that he loved Kevin back. Connor and Kevin grew to be very much in love; they shared their first kiss on the same day that Prince Steve had announced to his father his plans to marry Connor. Prince Steve had also planned to announce his betrothed to the entire land of Salt Lake in exactly one year, but he was too late. Connor and Kevin had already become engaged, and Connor was no longer eligible to marry Steve. When the prince heard of the newly betrothed couple, he shut himself in his bedroom and ate entire carton of ice cream…and became very fat."_ Kevin added this as an after-thought since it pleased him to think of Steve Blade as a fat, gross piece of shit.

"_Kevin decided to head home for Nebraska and invest his savings so that he and Connor could have enough money for marriage. As he prepared his ship to sail-."_

"There isn't an ocean between Salt Lake City and Nebraska, _Kevin."_

"There is in this story, _Connor_. God, would it kill you to at least try and play along?"

"It already kills me, Kevin, knowing that you are telling an incredibly cheesy story about me." As Connor spoke these words, he smiled softly at Kevin to let him know he didn't mean it. No, actually he _loved _it. Kevin scowled at Connor, but his eyes were bright and playful as he continued.

"_Anyways, Kevin said his goodbyes to Connor because he would be gone for quite some time. It was a very emotional time for Connor._

'_What if I never see you again?' Connor asked Kevin as he was on the verge of tears._

'_Hear this now,' was Kevin's gentle reply. 'I will always come for you-.'_

Kevin stopped abruptly as Connor raised his eyebrows

"Oh, really now?"

"Excuse you. I didn't realize you were twelve years old!" Kevin cracked a smile small at his unintentional innuendo.

"Couldn't you have said that a different way?"

"I don't want to say it a different way," Kevin replied suggestively, deciding to use his mistake to his advantage.

"Okay, wait. I'm sorry," Connor spoke as he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "I think I like this story better now," he choked out in between giggles. Kevin stared in Connor in amusement and shook his head.

"_I will _always _come for you, Connor."_

"_But how can you be sure?" Connor asked Kevin._

"_This is true love; do you think this happens every day?" Kevin assured Connor as the two embraced. While Kevin was gone, Connor tried to take his mind off of the void made by his love's departure. He tried to focus on what a fantastic life they were going to have together once Kevin returned. But Connor's hope soon turned to despair once he received word that Kevin's ship had been attacked on the high seas. Not wanting to panic, Connor assured himself that Kevin was fine and that whoever had attacked had just pirated his belongings and left him alive. That is, until he heard the name of the attacking ship._

_The ship had been the _S.S. Millennium Falcon_, property of none other than the Dread Pirate Solo. And as everyone knows, the Dread Pirate Solo leaves no survivors. _

_Connor was heartbroken, wounded, and angry that Kevin had broken his promise. He mourned for weeks, and vowed to never love again._

_But amidst all his suffering, someone else was growing more and more delighted each day. At Salt Lake's anniversary celebration the following year, Prince Steve announced his engagement to the entire kingdom. By this point, Connor McKinley had turned nineteen and was engaged to a man he did not love._

**A/N: Okay I'm going to stop here for now. I don't think I'm butchering **_**The Princess Bride **_**too badly, right?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't own anything.**

Connor stared at Kevin in alarm. Why on earth did he decide to make his story so depressing?

"What's wrong?" Kevin paused his story-telling to comment on Connor's strange expression.

"Yeah, I'm confused as to why you are making this turn out so horribly for me."

"Wha-for you? I _died_!" Aren't you wondering why I did that to myself?"

"Self-loathing, maybe?" Connor suggested jokingly.

"Haha. Funny," was Kevin's sarcastic reply.

"Anyway, get on with. I wanna know what happens to me," Connor eagerly urged Kevin to continue.

"Right. Well anyways _Connor's life had taken a complete one-eighty. He was miserable. In fact, the only pleasure he ever got out of life was taking a daily ride on his horse that he named Horse…because Connor wasn't very imaginative-."_

"Quit doing this to me!" Connor berated even though he smiled.

"Oh, so you have no problem with marrying Steve Motherfucking Blade, but you want your horse to have a more creative name?" Kevin raised his eyebrows and smirked at Connor's response.

"W-well, no. That _is_ _not_ what I meant."

Kevin sighed. "Your horse is named Horse. You're unimaginative; now get. Over. It." He started back on his story before Connor could complain again.

"_One day as he was riding through the woods, he noticed three people standing directly in front of his path. They looked lost and confused, so he slowed Horse down to see if they needed any help. As he came closer, he could not imagine any three people looking more different from one another._

_To the far right stood a male, large in size and unkempt in appearance. He looked nervous as he bit his lower lip, but his gaze never directly left Connor. In the middle, stood a woman; she was slender, and very exotic looking. Her eyes were wide and innocent, but there was something about her stance that suggested she had somehow been wronged and was seeking revenge. And on the very left was an older gentleman with a bushy beard and squinty eyes. His facial features positively radiated with something akin to deceit and craftiness. He seemed to be a very slippery fellow, but when he held out his hand for Connor to stop, he did._

'_We are but poor, lost circus performers,' the man spoke, lacing his words with false pleading. 'Is there a village nearby?'_

'_No…you are in the middle of the woods. There is hardly anything nearby,' Connor replied. He was very suspicious of this fellow, although his two companions did not seem to give off the same creepy vibe. They simply stared at him blankly as the older man curled his lips up into a sneer._

'_Good. Then there will be no one around to hear you scream.'_

_Before he knew what was happening or could take any kind of action, the three completely surrounded him, and Connor could feel his breath hitch in his throat as his consciousness faded away-."_

"A kidnapping? Really, Kevin?"

"Hey, I thought this part was captivating and exciting! You said you wanted less cheesy, so I'm trying to deliver!" Kevin pouted in a way that made Connor's heartstrings clench with all sorts of feelings.

"A kidnapping isn't any less cheesy. In fact, your story just got plus ten cheesy points because of it," Connor retorted snarkily.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Jeez Connor give me a break! At least my story isn't boring and predictable."

"Hmm." Connor bit his lip while he thought. "I bet you anything you're going to have yourself come back from the dead, save me, and be the crowning hero of your cheese-filled story."

Kevin stared at him blankly for a few moments, unsure of how to respond.

"Nu-uh," he said finally.

"I'm right. I know I'm right." Truthfully, Connor secretly hoped this was the way the story was heading. He hated to admit it, but he loved cheesy stories, and Kevin's was actually _intriguing. _He wanted the story to have a cliché "happily ever after" endings for he and Kevin because if not in real life….well this fantasy was all he had.

"That's not at all how it ends," Kevin murmured defiantly.

"Well then tell the story and prove me wrong."

"Okay, fine. Let's see… _The older man began ripping apart pieces of the fabric he had been carrying along and pinned it to the saddle of Connor's horse._

'_What's Brigham doing?' the woman whispered to her larger companion._

'_This is fabric from the uniform of one of the soldiers from Endor.' Brigham replied without glancing over at the other two._

'_Who's Endor?' the larger man asked._

_Brigham sighed exasperatedly. 'The country across the sea; the sworn enemy of Salt Lake! Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect that his love has been abducted by the Ewoks! Better yet, when the Prince finds him dead on Endorian soil, he won't have any reason to doubt!'_

'_Whoa. You never said anything about killing anyone. I-I don't think I can do that morally!' said the largest of the three._

'_Do my ears deceive me,' growled Brigham 'or did the words 'think' and 'morally' escape your lips? I've hired you to help me start a war, not a hippie peace rally!' He kicked Horse back toward the direction he came from, and the three watched him take off into the distance in a consuming silence._

'_I agree with Arnold,' the woman spoke up, breaking the silence. 'It's not right to kill an innocent person.'_

'I _will kill him! And don't forget this- NEVER forget this: _I _was the one who bailed the two of you out of jail for plotting revenge against the General…again! Would you rather I send you back?' Brigham yelled in a rage. Without waiting for an answer, Brigham occupied himself with tying bonds around Connor's relaxed wrists._

'_Hmm. Thanks, Naba,' said Arnold as he smiled shyly at her._

_They watched as Brigham cautiously lifted Connor's limp body into his arms and started back toward their ship._

'_That Brigham Young is such a jerk,' Naba whispered to Arnold._

'_Jerk…' Arnold pondered. 'All he makes us do is work,' he continued._

'_Still, he probably means no wrong.'_

'_Even though his rants get very long.'_

'_He really lacks a lot of class.'_

'_I guess that just makes him an-.'_

'_Arnold, you are a wonderful poet!' she positively gushed._

'_Uhhh…really?' he asked nervously._

'_Yeah, for a while there, you were,' she replied quietly._

_It was hours before Connor awoke, his eyelids fluttering as he returned to consciousness and limbs still heavy from sleep. The first thing he remembered was that his life, in its current state, was very depressing. The second thing he remembered was that he still had to feed Horse. And thirdly, he remembered that he had no clue where he was nor who his captors were._

'_Where the hell am I?' Connor groaned loudly, lifting his head and stretching out his arms._

'_Hi!' said a cheery voice directly in front of his face. 'Good to see you are awake,' the voice continued._

'_Sorry for kidnapping you and all,' said a second voice. 'I'm Arnold and this is National Geographic-.'_

'_Nabulungi,' the woman quickly corrected. 'I really liked your horse. What is his name?'_

'_H-horse? My horse? Oh, my horse's name is Horse. Where is he?' Connor's mumbled response was half-incoherent as is expected when one just wakes up from a drug-induced slumber._

'Horse?' _Arnold snorted with derision._

'_That's not a very creative name,' said Nabulungi in agreement." _Connor rolled his eyes as Kevin said this part.

"'_You look confused,' Arnold remarked when the other didn't reply._

_Connor tried to adjust his eyes to the dim light. 'I'm sorry; it's just that I don't quite understand. You're being nice to me, but you also kidnapped me.'_

'_Yes, we are trying to be nice to you!' whispered Nabulungi._

'_Why?' Connor asked finally._

'_Oh, good. You're awake,' came Brigham's loud voice as he approached the three. 'Why didn't you tell me he was awake?' he asked, narrowing his eyes. 'And how did you get out of your bonds?' he demanded, noticing Connor's wrists._

'_Boyscout,' replied Connor simply. 'Who exactly are you?' he continued, adding 'sir' as an afterthought so as to be as polite as possible to his kidnapper and most likely, his potential killer."_

"Lovely," McKinley sighed flatly. Kevin glared.

"Let me finish." He cleared his throat before continuing.

"'_I am former American Warlord and the world's only consulting criminal, Brigham Young.'_

'_Charmed,' Connor replied sarcastically as he sat up. He wasn't the least bit thrilled to be sharing pleasantries with his kidnapper, as would be expected. He stared as Brigham gazed out on the horizon._

'_We should reach the cliffs by dawn,' Brigham said to no one in particular. 'Why do you keep doing that?' he asked, this time directing his attention to Naubulungi who was glancing out behind them into the distance._

'_I am just making sure that nobody is following us,' she replied matter-of-factly._

'_That would be inconceivable,' Brigham replied with confidence. Connor sighed irritably at the stupidity of this man._

'_Despite what you think, you _will _get caught,' he said as leaned against the side of the ship and crossed his arms. 'The Prince is probably out looking for you right now.'_

'_Oh, I wouldn't worry about that,' Brigham sneered as a dangerous grin spread across his face. 'Stop doing that!' he said once more to Nabulungi. 'We can all relax; it's almost over!'_

'_Are you sure nobody is following us?' she asked, the skepticism in her voice rising._

'_Like I said, that would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one in Endor knows what we've done, and no one in Salt Lake could've gotten here so fast,' Brigham glanced at her again with suspicion. 'Just out of curiosity, why do you ask?'_

'_No reason. I just happened to glance behind us and something is there,' she spoke her words with a surprising disregard for concern at the possibility of getting caught._

'What?' _Brigham shouted in disbelief. 'Probably just a shark hunter…or baby seal killer…or whatever those people do out on boats.'_

'_You mean a fisherman?' Connor supplied helpfully._

'_Out for a cruise,' Arnold continued._

'_Through eel-infested waters,' Nabulungi finished._

'_SHUT UP!' the older man barked at them. 'That's exactly what I said.'_

_It was at that moment that Connor decided to go against his better judgment and jump out of the boat."_

"Why," Connor said, irritation thick in his voice, "would you make me do that?"

"This is a moment in the story where your character has a temporary lapse in judgment," Kevin said with an air of nonchalance, bordering on arrogance.

"You're an ass."

"I know."

"Ugh. Just get on with," Connor rolled his eyes in an over-dramatic way for emphasis.

"As you wish." As Kevin spoke these words, an unrelenting smirk spread across his face and highlighted every ounce of that lovable narcissism. Connor's whole body tingled with embarrassment and excitement because he could _almost _swear that Kevin was flirting with him. He sighed to himself as Kevin began again.

"_Upon noticing that his prisoner had escaped, Brigham decided to take some action and do something about it. So he yelled for Nabulungi to jump in after him._

'_I don't know how to swim!' she protested._

'_Fine. Arnold!' he yelled again._

'_I only know how to dog paddle,' replied the other._

'_Oh, fine!' Brigham shouted above the grating shrieking sound that now filled the air. He smirked and leaned down close to the edge of the boat. 'Do you hear that?' he asked as his face lit up with insane pleasure. 'Those are the shrieking eels. They always grow louder before they're about to feed on human flesh.'_

_Connor remained stationary in the water, looking desperately around him for a way out of this mess. To his horror, he realized that Brigham was right; the eels were gigantic with razor sharp teeth and a vicious streak a mile wide. As one of the eels lunged at him, he couldn't help but wish that it was already all over."_

"You don't get eaten by the eels." Kevin halted his story to reassure Connor.

"I know that, dipshit." Connor reached up and gave Kevin a playful shove.

"Hey!" Kevin laughed and lightly shoved him back. "How are you so sure about that?" he asked teasingly with raised eyebrows.

"Because," Connor laughed again. "If I die, there's no story. You're dead. I'm dead. There's no point!"

Kevin smiled broadly. "I guess you are smarter than you look."

"Uh, thanks?"

"I mean you always look smart," Kevin replied quickly, and silently cursed himself for blushing. "Okay well anyways," he laughed nervously when Connor just stared at him with those captivating blue eyes of his that Kevin simultaneously worshipped and cursed.

"_Connor was ready for it all to end since it seemed he had nothing to live for anyways when suddenly a large brick came flying out of nowhere and hit the eel square in the nose. He had zero time to react before he felt a hand grip tightly around the back of his shirt collar and pull him back into the prison-boat. He noticed that the wind had become so much more bitter and his skin prickled with a biting cold._

'_I suppose you think you're brave,' Brigham taunted, his gaze never leaving the horizon._

_Nabulungi wrapped a blanket around Connor's shoulders as he responded through gritted teeth. 'Only compared to some.'_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Finally updated this shit. Sorry for the ridiculous delay. Also, I don't own any of the characters or **_**The Princess Bride.**_

"How do you like it so far?" Kevin looked down at Connor with expressive brown eyes. Uncertainty was not a characteristic that Kevin Price displayed very often, if at all, but it was starting to show very slightly, and Connor couldn't help but feel alarmed at the sign of it. Since when does Kevin Price look for approval? Was that just the tiniest bit of insecurity? He stared at the man gazing down at him whose beautiful hair fell over his eyes, as he bit his lower lip. All that was heard was the sound of his steady breathing. Connor's heart pounded faster in his chest; Kevin was _actually _showing a sign of weakness.

"It's really good," he said placidly, both shocked and delighted at having caught Kevin in his moment of vulnerability.

"Hmm. Really?" Relief was obvious in his voice, all traces of uncertainty gone.

'Yeah, I like it a lot."

"I know. It's pretty flawless." Connor scowled at Kevin's bold statement.

"What I meant to say was that I like it a lot, but it could definitely be improved," Connor said, mostly just to spite Kevin.

Kevin narrowed his eyes at Connor. "Oh, really? And what are your brilliant suggestions?"

"For starters, you could include a little optimism."

"Oh, I'm sorry for creating conflict. That's not how the real world is at all; _how _could I be so stupid?" Kevin's voice positively dripped with sarcasm.

"You don't have to be so _dramatic, _Kevin," Connor teased.

Kevin smiled at this playful banter and was about to retort when he suddenly realized his right hand had been resting on Connor's sheet-covered thigh the entire time. At this moment of internal crisis, Kevin Price hastily pondered whether he should quickly remove it, thus drawing more attention to the fact that his hand was there in the first place, or if he should just leave it there and pretend to not have noticed it. He quickly chose the latter and resumed his story with his hand still in that awkward and embarrassing position.

"I'm not being dramatic; it is actually a very optimistic story," he said quickly as his breath caught in his throat.

"Okay then. Let's hear it."

"Yes. Okay," was Kevin's garbled response as he desperately tried to calm himself down. "Alright…"

"_The next morning, Connor awoke to a light, warm breeze, slightly damp clothes, and one hell of a headache. The brightness of the morning sun temporarily blinded him but despite all this, he still had a feeling of hope inside him; he felt that with all his shitty luck in the past year that maybe, just _maybe _something good was going to happen today. As Connor squinted out on the horizon, he noticed the ship that had presumably been following them all night._

'_Dude!' Arnold gasped, pointing at the ship. 'I think it's getting closer!'_

'_Yeah' Nabulungi agreed. 'He's way closer than he was ten minutes ago! I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.'_

'_Well,' Brigham drawled exasperatedly 'whoever he might happen to be, he's no concern of ours,' he said triumphantly as he tilted his head and pointed skyward. 'Besides, The Cliffs of Insanity are just up ahead!' He seemed delirious in his joy and was grinning maniacally. 'Only Arnold is capable of going up this way. That other moron will have to sail around for hours till he reaches a harbor.'_

_Connor turned his attention toward the cliffs and silently mused how a fall from a height like that would surely kill him." _

"Seriously, Kevin?"

"Hang on; I'm not going to have you jump off the cliff. Don't get your panties in a bunch, jeez," Kevin smiled and playfully rolled his eyes.

"I'm not. It's a fictional story, Kevin," Connor laughed. "I don't _care _what happens."

"Clearly," Kevin said dryly as he gave Connor a stupidly adorable one-sided smile. "Moving on…"

"_He stared at the massive rocks and vaguely wondered why they were called The Cliffs of Insanity. As the ship settled into a solitary position, he let himself be forced off the ship to stand at the foot of the cliffs as Brigham grabbed a rope and harness from on board._

'_Alright, go!' Brigham yelled after the four of them were clinging on to the rope in preparation for the daunting climb ahead of them. After several minutes of climbing, Connor looked down and then immediately wished he hadn't. What terrified him most was not the possibility of suddenly falling to his death, but the fact that their pursuer was _also _climbing the rope. The man, who was completely attired in all black, wore a mask that covered most of his face. He reminded Connor vaguely of some sort of pirate-ninja hybrid._

'_What?' Brigham's jarring voice interrupted his thoughts. 'How is he doing that? Go faster!'_

'_I'm doing the best I can,' Arnold panted. 'I've got three other people to carry, and he's got only himself.'_

'_I never knew you were so strong, Arnold,' Nabulungi mused._

'_Well you see, the Force is a very powerful thing...' he began._

'_Wow, he is fast!' commented Nabulungi as the gap closed between the four and the Man in Black._

'_He's not _that _fast,' Arnold whined. 'I think…'_

'_Ugh! The two of you,' Brigham spat at Nabulungi and Arnold. 'are always causing me trouble! You have both proven to be completely useless to me! I'm not paying you to think! I hired _you_ because you're big, you idiotic landmass. And I hired _you _because your little 'I'm so innocent' act can get you whatever you want!' _

'_Well now my feelings are hurt,' Arnold sniffed. After a few minutes of enduring Brigham's screeching taunts, they finally reached the cliff-top well ahead of the Man in Black who was still attempting to climb._

_Connor's mind began to venture toward the idea that, by some miracle, the Man in Black was here to bring him back home. But by this point, Connor was already so miserable that he would have almost preferred death over having to return home and marry Steve. A look of disgust came across his face as he thought about which preferred; sadly, he could not choose which would be the more tragic ending. His train of thought broke as he saw Brigham cut the rope._

_The four peered delicately over the edge to see if the mysterious man had fallen to his death. But lo and behold, he was holding onto the wall of the cliff._

_Arnold whistled. 'Wow, he's got strong arms.' Brigham's jaw dropped._

'_He didn't fall?' he shouted, once again in a rage. 'Inconceivable!'_

_Nabulungi glanced at him skeptically. 'You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.'_

_They all glanced down at the man in black, still clinging to the jagged rocks. He glared back intensely and began climbing upwards with what seemed to be very little effort._

'_Well,' Brigham continued dramatically 'whoever he is, he has obviously seen us with the Prince's betrothed and must therefore die. You'- he pointed at Arnold-'take him,' he said, nodding in Connor's general direction. ' _You,'_ he pointed again, this time at Nabulungi 'finish that masked bastard off.'_

_Brigham started off along with Arnold, who was now carrying Connor, toward the Endorian frontier._

'_You're saying I have to kill him?' Nabulungi asked rather innocently. Brigham sighed and turned around._

'_Just stick around until he falls.' He waved his hand dismissively toward the cliff's edge. 'If he doesn't, you know what to do.'_

'_You be careful, Naba,' Arnold nudged her gently. 'People in masks can't be trusted.' She nodded as the other three left, sighing as they became miniscule in the distance. Bored out of her mind and knowing she might very well be there a while, she sighed impatiently and kicked small rocks around waiting for the Man in Black to fall. She began to wonder to herself what would happen if he didn't fall. Suppose he did reach the top? Running her fingers over the hilt of her sword, timidly at first, but then gripping it tightly, a fierce determination began to set in._

'_Hello there. Slow going?' she called over the edge of the cliff._

'_Not to be rude Miss, but this isn't as easy as I'm probably making it look,' the Man in Black spoke effortlessly despite his struggle. 'It would be very much appreciated if you didn't distract me.'_

'_Sorry; my bad.' Nabulungi apologized as she glanced at her sword again. She never intended to use it against another human being except the one she sought, the one who she swore revenge against and the only one whose death she wanted on her hands. But still, she couldn't help but think to herself what good practice this might be. And so she pushed aside her fear and seemingly her morals, and prepared for a duel._

'_Look, if you want to speed things up, I could lower this rope.' She approached the edge again and held the rope for the Man in Black to see. 'Although, I do not think you will accept my help as I am only waiting around to kill you.'_

_The Man in Black climbed another two inches before responding. 'Hmm. Well, that _does _put a damper on our relationship,' he replied casually. 'It is an overwhelmingly kind gesture, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.' He offered Nabulungi a half-smile though his expression remained cryptic through his mask._

'_I hate waiting,' she said firmly. 'I can give you my word that I will not kill you until you reach the top.'_

_The Man in Black laughed derisively. 'What's that worth? The promise of a woman? Patience is a virtue, my dear.'_

'_There's no way you'll trust me?' Nabulungi asked, growing angry at the masked man's disparaging words._

'_Well, I suppose…no…hmm.' The Man in Black wavered in mock-thought. 'No, nothing comes to mind.'_

'_I swear on my mother's grave that you will reach the top alive.'_

_There was a quality in her words and her expression that illuminated something of a wounded past and just enough vulnerability for the Man in Black to believe her. 'Throw me rope!' he said quickly._

_And as it turns out, she did keep her word. The Man in Black staggered atop the cliffs, sitting down and breathing heavily as she eyed him suspiciously. In turn, the masked man noticed her intense glare._

'_By the way, I'm not going to duel you. You're a _chick_,' he said as he preoccupied himself with catching his breath._

'_So? I have been studying for years to become a master of steel,' she said proudly. _

_The Man in Black looked up, eyes darting. 'Why would a woman ever need to learn the skills necessary for swordsmanship?' _

_Nabulungi narrowed her eyes and sighed in defeat. Taking a seat next to her masked foe, she revealed a profound weakness._

'_Many years ago, my mother was taken by the General, a ruthless warlord who wore an eye patch because of an injury; he took her to be circumcised. Like most female circumcisions in my village in Uganda, it was not performed properly, and she died of infection,' her voice caught in her throat, and the Man in Black could not help but feel a twinge of pity for the emotionally wounded girl next to him._

'_I'm terribly sorry to hear that,' he said with as much sympathy as he could muster. 'How old were you?'_

'_I was eleven,' came her soft reply. 'And every day since then, I have pursued swordsmanship; I have dedicated my life to the sword so that one day when I meet this General with the eye patch, I may go up to him and say 'Hello. My name is Nabulungi Hatimbi. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.'_

'_Wow. That's commitment.' The Man in Black could not help but admire her profound determination. 'You've done nothing by study the sword?'_

_She released a sad sigh. 'It's more like pursuing than studying these days. I just work for Brigham to put food on the table. It's been very hard, and I am starting to lose confidence. But of course it hasn't been all bad. At least I have Arnold.'_

'_Well I certainly hope you find him,' was all the Man in Black could manage to say after hearing such a terribly depressing story._

'_Yes, but I need someone to practice on first.' Nabulungi's tone changed completely as she glared at the Man in Black once more._

'_I already told you; I can't fight a woman!' The Man in Black crossed his arms stubbornly._

'_Then you are a coward.'_

_And it was those five little words that made the Man in Black leap to his feet and draw his sword in one swift movement._

'_Say that again. I dare you.'_

'_If you do not want to fight me, it is because you are afraid.' She stood up in retaliation, though he still towered above her._

_But once again, her words struck against his nerves as his lips thinned into a scowl and his eyes amassed a fire that was not there before. 'Challenge accepted.' He spoke with a venomous quality. They faced each other, swords drawn and expressions heavy in concentration._

'_By the way, that mask you are wearing proves you a cowardly anyways,' she said in a clipped tone._

'_No, it makes me mysterious.'"_

"I think he's insecure."

Kevin jerked his head toward Connor and frowned. "He's not insecure. He's mysterious!"

"Oh, come on! Why else would he be wearing that mask?"

Kevin sighed in irritation. "Because he doesn't want people to know who he is, okay?"

"Oh." McKinley nodded and paused. "Then he's paranoid?"

"What?"

"Why does he wear the mask, then?"

"I-…"

"He's hideous, isn't he?"

"_No, _Connor. Now you can shut the hell up or I'm leaving!" Kevin's face glowed bright red as his nostrils flared, and his eyes flashed dangerously with umbrage. He finally removed his hand from Connor's thigh to run a hand through his perfect hair, making it stick out in all crazy directions.

"Whoa," Connor thought to himself as he took in this provocative sight. He had to admit that "angry" Kevin kind of excited him, and his loss for words at seeing him so impassioned in irritation allowed Elder Price to continue.

"_The Man in Black lunged forward ninja-style. 'Shall we?' he asked as politely as he could._

'_You know,' Nabulungi began slowly 'You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.'_

'_And you seem a decent lady. I hate to die,' was his steady response. The battle gradually ensued as the two tested each other at swordplay. _

'_I see you are using Bonetti's Defense against me,' said Nabulungi as she swiftly and effortlessly countered the Man in Black's steel._

'_Yes, I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain,' the Man in Black replied, not once taking his concentration of his opponent._

_She gave a small laugh. 'Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capo Ferro.'_

'_Naturally,' he drawled 'But I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro. Don't you?'"_

"How do you know so much about fencing?" Connor asked suddenly.

"What?" Kevin jolted out of his story-telling trance once again.

"I asked where you learned so much about fencing," Connor repeated.

"Oh, I um…I used to read about it a lot because I liked to pretend…." Kevin's voice trailed off, and Connor could see a reddish tint to his face as his eyes cast downwards.

"What was that?" Connor asked in amusement.

"I liked to pretend that I was acting out all the epic swordfights from movies," he practically mumbled.

Connor smirked. "Really? Like which movies?"

"Like…."

"I can't hear you."

"Aladdin… and Sleeping Beauty..." He stared at McKinley's bemused expression before looking at the floor, growing more and more uncomfortable through each second of passing and consuming silence.

"What?" he growled finally.

"I didn't say anything," said Connor as he continued to smirk.

"Those were very cathartic scenes!"

"Oh yes, I know," Connor replied in mock-seriousness. "Will this one be, ahem, cathartic as well?"

"What are you laughing at?" Kevin snapped defensively.

"Nothing. Not at you, that's for sure," Connor replied rather quickly. "Just tell me what happens to the insecure pirate-ninja."

Kevin rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Well alright then. But only if you quit making fun of me!" he teased.

"_Nabulungi glared darkly at the Man in Black. The two persisted in the fight, thriving in the music that was steel clashing beautifully against steel and secretly admiring each other's endurance and finesse. 'Unless your enemy has studied the Agrippa…which I have,' she paused. 'By the way, you are a wonderful swordsman.'_

'_Well thank you,' he spoke with confidence. 'I have certainly worked hard to become so.'_

'_I admit it; you are better than me.' Her statement betrayed her expression as she narrowed her eyes and grinned mercilessly at her opponent with the obvious upper-hand._

'_Then why are you smiling?'_

'_Because I know something you don't know,' she replied._

'_Oh, and what's that?' The Man in Black barely had time to ask his question before she answered it._

'_I am not left-handed.' She expertly shifted her sword to her right hand while never breaking eye contact and regained her advantage._

'_Wow, that was pretty impressive,' the Man in Black said approvingly. 'For a woman,' he added hastily._

'_Are you kidding? That was pretty impressive for Rambo!'_

'_Well then maybe there's something I ought to tell you, Rambo,' sneered the Man in Black._

'_What's that?'_

'_I'm not left-handed either.' The Man in Black aptly cast his sword from left to right as he relished the perplexed look on his opponent's face._

'_Who _are _you?' She asked finally._

'_No one of consequence.'_

'_I must know,' she protested._

_The Man in Black shrugged. 'Get used to disappointment.'_

_Their battle continued, and once Nabulungi realized that she was no match for the Man in Black's superb fencing skills, she fell to the ground and dropped her sword in surrender. The Man in Black stared her down for at least a good ten seconds before she spoke._

'_If you are going to kill me, just go ahead and do it,' she said in a surprisingly unwavering voice._

_He scoffed at her request. 'I could never kill a fighter who is filled with such confidence and prowess. However, since I can't have you following me, either…' Swiftly so as to assure she would feel no pain, he struck the back of her head with the hilt of his sword, knocking her out cold._

_He knelt down next to the unconscious Nabulungi. 'Please understand that I hold you in the highest respect,' he whispered before turning to follow the footprints left behind by Brigham, Arnold, and Connor._

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review/favorite my story. It really means a lot! Keep being awesome! =P**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: It's a short chapter, sorry. I graduated college today and wrote this to keep the void that's left from becoming a spiraling vortex of emptiness. Hopefully now, updates can be more frequent.**

"_Oh em gosh, Kevin Price is sitting on my bed_," Connor thought to himself as if the reality of it all was threatening to escape. Despite their propensity for playful verbal sparring, Connor couldn't help but think how this whole thing was actually really sweet of Kevin to do, even if it was a total cheesebomb. True, he positively thrived on giving Kevin a rough time, and even though he knew Kevin could take it, he felt that at this particular moment he should say something relatively encouraging.

Kevin's body flushed with excitement as he noticed Connor eyeing him with a warm and gentle radiance, fidgeting beneath the crumpled sheets. His skin looked so smooth, his hair so soft, and his chest clenched once more as he watched Connor bite his lower lip thoughtfully. _"This is getting insanely awkward." _Kevin felt panic take hold of him and his tongue became dry as he desperately wished for himself to make a sound, any sound at all because he was pretty sure he looked like a complete dumbass right now.

"_He looks kind of… pretty," _Kevin thought. _"No, pretty's not the right word…he's not some dumb girl!" _

Kevin struggled incessantly with just the right word before finally deciding on the word 'sweet' until Connor's voice broke the silence

"You know how to tell an interesting story," he nodded amiably at Elder Price.

"Well if you think it's interesting _now…_" Kevin held his hands up theatrically; his face absolutely glowed with excitement as his lustful gaze dissolved. "It'll get even _more _interesting! I promise!"

"_So after the insanely epic swordfight, _

"If that's what you wanna call it."

"Hush."

"_After the insanely epic swordfight, The Man in Black continued to follow the footprints left by his predecessors. Meanwhile, Brigham, Arnold, and Connor watched him from atop their rocky hill._

'_INCONCEIVABLE!' Brigham clenched his fists and held on to every fiber of self control he had left so as to maintain his dignity. He was so angry; he wanted to throw something. _

'_Naba's okay, right?' Arnold's voice quivered as his eyes widened to twice their normal size._

'_Um, what's going on?' Connor, who had now been blindfolded, was now a bit concerned about all the sobbing and yelling that was going on around him._

'_SHUT UP!' Brigham barked at him._

'_Dear Lord,' muttered a slightly taken aback Connor above Arnold's wailing._

'_How could he do that? He's so…_mean!' _ Arnold was angry now too, and he also wanted to throw something. More specifically, he wanted to throw something at the Man in Black's head._

'_I'll take him,' Brigham grabbed Connor's wrist roughly and started pulling him further out. 'Finish him off your way,' he said to Arnold._

'_Oh, I will."' Arnold narrowed his eyes defiantly. 'Wait, what's _my _way?_

'_See those rocks over there?'_

_Arnold nodded._

'_Want to know how to actually make yourself useful?'_

_Arnold sniffled and nodded again._

'You_ have those rocks. Albeit masked, _he_ has a face. I'm pretty sure you can make this work.'_

_Arnold watched as they left him behind. He was pretty pleased that his short-term, yet ambitious goal of throwing things at the Man in Black was about to become a reality, to say the least._

_At this point, The Man in Black didn't quite know what to expect; he cautiously approached the gargantuan boulders and paused to lean his body up against a large one for support. As he listened, he heard the vague ruffle of the grass below him, the distant crashing of the waves beyond the cliff, and the sudden thundering of a large rock hitting and exploding against his support-boulder._

'_Damn, I missed!' Arnold popped his head up from his hiding place. 'Mind if I try again?' He paused to rethink his inquiry. 'I mean…I did that on purpose, but I don't _have _to miss!'_

'_Oh sure, I believe you.' The Man in Black dusted himself after having thrown himself to the ground on reflex. 'But as I don't think it would do you any good, my suggestion would be that you let me pass before you hurt yourself.'_

'_I don't think so, Captain Tightpants.' Arnold struggled with another heavy rock and began flailing it around like a madman to the point where the Man in Black thought he was going to take _both _of them out._

'_WHOA. You don't have to fight me like that!' The Man in Black flinched as he watched Arnold forcefully drop it down the hillside._

'_Oh, thank you,' he mumbled. 'I mean…now we can face each other…as God intended, skill against skill alone.'_

'_Alright, but the odds might be slightly in your favor,' The Man in Black lied as he suppressed an amused smile. Arnold shifted his weight uncomfortably._

'_No problem,' The Man in Black smirked to himself. He dropped his sword on the grass-covered hilltop, next to the plethora of monster-rocks Arnold had been looking forward to chucking at him. After an intense stare-down and silently amassing a strategic fight plan, the Man in Black hurtled himself at Arnold's larger frame that resulted in an involuntary grunt from the masked man. He lunged forward as a creature of potential, a barrel of dynamite, and rushed at him again, this time with more force, but his attempt was once again lousy._

'_Look, are you just messing around with me or what?' The Man in Black growled._

_Arnold simply shrugged. 'I just want you to feel like you're doing a good job is all,' he said innocently. 'I wouldn't want you to die an embarrassing death.'_

'_Okay, just for the record, I didn't hurt her. Your girlfriend is fine. Unconscious, but fine.' The Man in Black dodged his clumsy grasp. 'I figured that's what you were on about, anyways,' he muttered._

'_Wow, you're quick!' Arnold gasped._

'_It's a good thing, too,' nodded The Man in Black in agreement._

'_Say, why are you wearing that mask? Are you a burn victim or something?'_

_The Man in Black frowned at Arnold's questions. 'Oh no, it's just that masks are incredibly sexy. I look good, no?'_

_Arnold squinted in an attempt to peruse what he _could _see of his opponent's face. 'I can't even tell what you look like!' His unfortunate distraction had caused him to let down his guard just enough for The Man in Black to charge him and jump on his back."_

"That sounds like something that would happen in a bad Nicolas Cage film."

"Oh, thank you so much for your input Connor," Kevin rolled his eyes before adding, 'and Nicolas Cage films aren't always bad!"

Connor blinked once before answering. "He's always the same character."

"Not always!"

"_Con Air, The Wicker Man, Face/Off," _Connor ticked off the films as he listed them, satisfied at the scowl that now took a hold of Kevin's features.

"Oh, come on! _National Treasure_? He was a totally different character!" Kevin threw his hands up as if that would further emphasize his point.

"Face it, Kevin; Nicolas Cage is always that douchebag that gets caught up in some ridiculous situation and then ends up saving the day."

"Look, as fun as this debate is, I would rather just continue on with _my _story so you can continue to tell me how clichéd it is, okay?" Although he continued to make snarky comments, Kevin admittedly did like 'feisty' Connor.

"Aw, don't be bitter, Kev!" The way Connor pushed Kevin's buttons was just an excuse to see that endearing pout. Kevin flashed him his winning smile before continuing.

"'_I think I know why you're giving me so much trouble,' Arnold choked as the Man in Black was hanging on him by the neck._

'_And why's that do you think?' asked the Man in Black_

'_I'm not used to fighting one-on-one like this! I've always had to fight in groups.' Arnold was now gasping for breath while he simultaneously tried to shake the masked man off of him._

'_You fought in groups?' The Man in Black asked dryly. 'What, are you a part of a gang or something?'_

'_It was for…you know… charity.' The Man in Black knew his larger victim was close to passing out._

'_How's this any different?' He asked in an attempt to speed up the process._

'_I…can't use….the same moves….when fighting….one p-.' It was then that Arnold collapsed on the ground from lack of oxygen. The Man in Black approached his unconscious body, cautiously at first before taking his pulse."_

"Why is the Man in Black so good at everything?"

Kevin chuckled lightly at Connor's comment before answering with a sly remark. "Methinks you protest too much."

"Stop acting like a pretentious bastard, Kevin!"

"You like it."

"Shove it," Connor said, his cheeks reddening slightly.

"You wish I would," Kevin snickered in avoidance of the question.

"_The Man in Black had once again defeated his opponent and at this point, was feeling very confident. He made note of the heavy scuff marks in the dusty ground and followed them to catch up with what was sure to be yet another victory._

_Meanwhile, Prince Steve and his lovely band of parasitic cohorts stood just on the cliff's edge, in admiration of the mighty duel that had taken place only an hour prior._

'_How do you know they were accomplished fencers?' asked the eye-patch equipped man to the Prince's right, immediately following Steve's lengthy speech on the type of duel that must have taken place._

_Steve stared at the resulting sets of matching imprints seemingly intertwined in some theoretical, convoluted dance pattern. It was quite obvious that the equally matched parties had taken up sport in a highly skilled fencing match._

'_I can just tell these things.' His squinty eyes blinked once as he cleared his throat._

'_Gentlemen, we're going to want to follow the champion. The loser means nothing. All that matters is that Connor is safe. Clearly this was all planned by those barbarous warriors of Endor. We must prepare ourselves for what lies ahead.' His commands were met with affirmative shouts and mutterings of agreement._

'_Could it be a trap?' asked the General._

'_I think everything could be a trap,' the Prince answered with confidence. 'Which is why I'm still alive.'_

**A/N: I threw in a Firefly reference for all you super n3rds, if you caught it. Also, thanks again for all the reviews/favorites. It really means a lot that other people actually enjoy reading this!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: It's about time, huh? Between working my day job, writing more seriously at night, and preparing for graduate school, I'm amazed I found the time to continue this little story. Get ready for the battle of wits!**

"_The Man in Black-."_

"Oh, enough about him. Let's skip to a part that I'm in." The beginnings of a small smile started to play out on Connor's lips as he could see the irritation in Kevin rising from the pit of his stomach all the way up to his perfectly symmetrical face.

Kevin sucked his cheeks in and lowered his head.

"You will see, Connor, that you are actually in this scene. Of course, you could already know that by now if you would _lay off the interruptions, darling!" _He playfully spat the last word as Connor arched his eyebrows in surprise at Kevin's choice of words.

"Alright, sweetie," he replied teasingly. "No need to get so vicious."

"Ugh." Elder Price rolled his eyes and could only think how he was going to need some insulin after the sweetness in McKinley's words.

"_The Man in Black approached the top of the hill, finally, happy for some potential repose. That is, until he saw a complete picnic laid out with a tablecloth and two goblets. It would've been a welcoming site if not for the obstacle of a figure seated on a small rock in front of the table. He held a dagger uncomfortably close to Connor's throat, who sat blindfolded next to him. One glance and it was easy to tell that although he tried to act tough, Connor was scared shitless. The Man in Black sighed deeply._

'_There's always something,' he muttered, thinking that this could have been such a lovely spot to rest. He stopped abruptly and stared down the older gentleman._

'_So it is down to you, and it is down to me,' Brigham spoke icily. _

'_That's how it would appear,' replied the Man in Black cautiously as he took a step nearer. Then another._

'_If you dare to get any closer, I'll kill him.' The dagger made a gentle yet jarring contact with Connor's neck. He was so paralyzed with fear he couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath that occurred once he felt the frigid, taunting metal on his skin._

_The Man in Black halted. 'Let me explain…'_

'_There's nothing to explain,' Brigham shrugged casually. 'You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.'_

'_Stolen?! Wha- _You _kidnapped me first! Or does your memory fail you, you slimy bastard?' Connor growled. The Man in Black smirked at the look of shock on Brigham's face- no doubt due to Connor's random bout of feistiness- and took a tiny step forward._

'_Surely we can settle this with some kind of compromise. One that benefits both, uh…all three of us.' The Man in Black tried desperately to lay the charm on extra thick for this guy. Brigham's reply came stern and deliberate._

'_I'm afraid I don't like that solution. I'm afraid I don't like you, either…and you're killing him.' The masked man halted once more as Connor gasped sharply._

'_Well,' The Man in Black shifted uncomfortably. 'Let's call it a draw, then?' He shrugged hopefully. Brigham smiled smugly._

'_I'm afraid so. I can't compete with your physical strength, and you're certainly no match for me mentally.'_

_Clearly amused at Brigham's delusions of grandeur, The Man in Black merely rolled his eyes and smirked._

'_You're _that _intelligent, huh?' Brigham nodded firmly, never taking his snaky eyes away from the masked figure._

'_Don't believe me, do you?' he snarled._

'_I'll admit I'm having a little trouble, yeah,' The Man in Black replied, tilting his head to one side as to examine Brigham's disposition._

'_Ever heard of Socrates? Plato? Aristotle?' asked Brigham with a tone of arrogance._

'_Of course.'_

'_Dumbasses, all of them.' Brigham waved a dismissive hand at his still-unconvinced opponent. The Man in Black stood his ground, determined to beat this asshole at his own game._

'_Well in that case, I challenge you to a Battle of Wits. Pour the wine, you cocky son of a bitch.'"_

"Since when do you drink wine?"

"I'm just trying to keep it classy!" retorted Kevin.

Connor crossed his arms in mock retribution. "It's against the rules."

Price rolled his eyes. "Have you already forgotten that we've pretty much given a big 'fuck you' to the rules, Elder?"

"So how come I don't get to do anything cool or interesting

"Aw, Con, you will! You are an extremely plucky and intrepid character in my story."

Connor appreciated the sincerity of Kevin's description. As much as Kevin loved to tease Connor, he really _was _sweet.

"_Kevin." _He blushed furiously and allowed Elder Price to continue.

"_The Man in Black held a small tube of grainy powder up to Brigham. _

'_Smell this, but don't touch it,' he ordered._

_Brigham inhaled sharply and shook his head in confusion._

'_I don't smell anything,'_

'_What you are incapable of smelling is called iocane powder. It's tasteless, odorless, and not to mention extremely soluble. It's also the most poisonous powder in the world. Just a tiny taste of this, and you'll be singing with the choir invisible,' explained the Man in Black._

_Brigham scoffed as the Man in Black took both goblets and turned around. After switching the glasses up a few times, he placed one in front of each of them._

'_Alright. Where's the poison? The Battle of Wits has begun. It only ends when you choose a goblet, and we both drink. The winner gets him-..' he jerked his head toward Connor- 'and gets to live. The loser, well, I think you know what happens to the loser.' The Man in Black offered a wry smile to the man gazing so intently at the goblets before him._

'I've totally got this in the bag,' _they each thought to themselves._

_A few agonizing moments of silence passed between them until Brigham suddenly shouted, 'Ha!'_

_The Man in Black jumped, startled. 'You've made your decision, I presume?'_

'_It's so simple. I almost feel insulted! All I have to do is take everything I know about you and apply it to this situation. Child's play!'_

'_Okay…' It was still too early for either the Man in Black or Connor to tell if Brigham truly lived up to his supposed intellect._

'_Now,' Brigham continued. 'Are you the sort of man who would place the poison in _my _goblet or your own? Of course, only a simple-minded moron would foolishly reach for what was placed in front of him.' He paused for dramatic emphasis. 'But since we all know that I am not a moron, I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of me.'_

'_So that's your answer, then?' The masked man began to reach for his own cup before Brigham slapped his hand away._

'_Don't be an idiot! Of course not! I'm sure you counted on that.' Brigham sighed deeply before continuing._

'_What you probably didn't count on, however, is that I know the powder's origin- Australian!' _

'_Impressive.' The Man in Black nodded accordingly. 'No doubt the best thing to come out of Australia!'"_

"You mean besides Hugh Jackman?" asked Connor with a wide grin.

"Uh, duh!" Kevin rolled his eyes. "And that's only because _I'm _not from Australia!"

"Oh whatever, Kevbear." Connor reached up to stroke Kevin's face lightly.

Elder Price's entire body grew hot at Connor's touch. McKinley was certainly becoming...flirty? Is this how people flirt? Kevin supposed it was, not that he would've known. But what he did know for sure was that it made him flustered and made his insides clench with excitement and confidence. He felt like he was going to implode, but in a good way. He never thought he would savor a moment where he felt so fuzzy and vulnerable.

"_Brigham continued his harangue about poison and philosophy and Australia and God knows what else._

'_Australia was originally entirely populated by criminals. And criminals aren't to be trusted as I don't trust you, so I clearly can't choose the wine in front of you.'_

'_Whoa! Your dizzying intellect is giving me whiplash!' As longwinded and tiresome as this whole thing was becoming, the Man in Black could not help but be impressed with the effort Brigham was putting into the Battle of Wits. Truly admirable, in his opinion. Like the Man in Black, Brigham clearly never half-assed anything._

'_Just wait til I get going!' Brigham exclaimed excitedly. 'Now where was I?' _

'_Australia?'_

'_Ah, yes!' And another interesting thing about Australia is-.'_

_The Man in Black groaned. 'You are putting me to sleep. Just choose your damn goblet already!'_

'_Aha! You also clearly lack patience. Wanting to get this over with as soon as possible, you must've put the poison in the goblet closest to myself, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!'_

'_Now you're just stalling. Are you ready to make your decision or what?'_

'_You would like to think that wouldn't you?' Brigham jabbed a pointed finger at the Man in Black's chest as his lips curled into an evil snarl. 'You've beaten Arnold which means that you are physically fit, so you could've put the powder in your own goblet relying solely on your strength to save you! So I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you!'_

'_Oh come on! What a cop out!' shouted the Man in Black exasperatedly._

'_But you've also bested Nabulungi which means you have studied. And in studying, you must've learned that man is mortal. You would've wanted to have put the poison as far away from yourself as possible! So I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of me!'_

'_Just face it! You have no idea where the poison is! I win,' the Man in Black announced triumphantly._

'_Maybe you do win! Maybe I'm not as intell- HOLY COW WHAT _IS _THAT THING?!' The Man in Black turned around, not knowing that Brigham had switched the goblets while he glanced in the opposite direction._

'_I didn't see anything,' said the Man in Black simply to Brigham's shocked expression._

'_Oh, well…probably just my eyes playing tricks on me. Let's drink, shall we? Me from my glass and you from yours. Cheers!' Brigham raised his glass a little too enthusiastically. The Man in Black followed suit and raised his goblet as well._

'_Cheers! Here's to life…and death, which one of us shall be meeting shortly.'_

'_Death for you!' Brigham muttered under his breath. The two threw back their drinks and sat in silence for a moment, observing one another with great care._

'_You might be interested to know that you guessed wrong.'_

'_Nu-uh!' Brigham retorted to the Man in Black's smug demeanor. 'You only think I did! I switched goblets while your back was turned! I can't believe you fell for it! I mean, Christ! How dumb do you have to-.'_

_And the former American warlord never got to finish his final sentence as the poison took effect._

'_ he got what he deserved,' muttered the Man in Black as he towered above Brigham's lifeless body. He chuckled lightly._

'_Hey, you can laugh later. Get this blindfold off me, will you?' Connor's irritated voice interrupted the Man in Black's silent victory as he bent down to untie the poor, tired body._

'_Who are you?' Connor demanded before he could even let his eyes adjust to the sunlight._

'_The best thing that's ever happened to you,' replied the Man in Black matter-of-factly._

_Deciding that this was no time to pick a fight, Connor shrugged and asked the next question that was burning in his mind._

'_So let me get this straight…the poison was in _your _cup the entire time? How did you know he would switch them?' As if Connor was already suspicious enough of this masked man._

'_I didn't. Both goblets contained the poison. I've been spending the last year building immunity to iocane powder. It's pretty much required in my line of work. Come on.' He dragged Connor to his feet and took off across the hilltops without another word._

**A/N: Yay?**


End file.
